Beliefs

I have been thinking lately that my opinions (maybe even all of my thoughts (and feelings?)) in some way stem from my deepest beliefs. Another way to think of this would be: if I trace back the logic or rationalizations which appears to support my thoughts and opinions, the trace back will lead me to some basic beliefs; i.e., all of my thoughts and opinions are just extensions of some very deeply held beliefs. These beliefs are like fundemental mathematical definitions, like the definition of a "point" in geometry: without these definitions, nothing else follows, _and_ they are merely definitions: there is nothing inherently true or false about them, they are what they are, they are essentially "made-up"; even if they seem to somehow "follow" from something else (e.g. sensory perception or "reality"), this is a tautology.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tautology_(logic)

So, imagine I have some beliefs like this, and imagine that I'm right: that essentially _everything_ I think or feel(?) is in some way an extension of these basic definitions. And, at the same time, it's true that I have an obvious and strong sense of contempt (a feeling of contempt) for "beliefs"; e.g. religious beliefs . . . the word "belief" seems to be tainted and inherently flawed, implying (explicitly) something irrational, something devoid of contemplation, foolish, bullet-headed.

I was thinking that maybe I hold a contempt for my own deepest beliefs, beliefs which must be there; beliefs which are, in some ways, the foundations of my entire self, perhaps the most important, or at least most quintessential, things which make me, me. All of this ultimately creating within me a strong contempt for the deepest parts of my self.

Among other thoughts, this has made me think:

• At least religious beliefs are easily detected and straightforward.
• This is all a good explanation of why two equally smart people can have such widely varying opinions.
• Wouldn't it be interesting if we could all realize and admit to each other that what we think is really what we believe (i.e., that there is no truth, only belief).
• Maybe I'm really full of shit with all of this: if we can at least assume that much of sensation is "true" (as opposed to believed), we have an extensive truth-basis for our opinions (i.e., everything we sense).
• Even then, there's something to this; a lot of what we think we know to be true must stem from our beliefs as opposed to any real verifiable truth. How to distinguish (internally) between these two types of opinions?

Effort, Concentration, and Mindfulness

I've been thinking and talking about these things lately because of a meditation class I've been taking, and this has led to what seems to me like an odd realization. My friend Ben and I were talking about the differences between these three notions; how they are different and how they affect one another. In particular, Ben was struggling with this sense that mindfulness wasn't something he could "make happen," that it just seems to appear for no particular reason. This lead to me thinking about the real causes for effort and concentration, and it struck me that, in fact, they are no different: though we may decide to concentrate on something, the ultimate trigger for this decision seems to come out of nowhere, or more aptly maybe, from sensation and memory. For example, if I decide to concentrate enough to write this blog entry, it's only because, at some point in the past, I "decided" that I wanted to write this blog entry. And how did I even get the choice to make this decision? Presumably, at some point before that, I recalled that I _could_ write this blog entry. In this case, I got an email because of a comment someone left on this blog, I read the email (sensation) and thought (remembered), "Oh, I could write a blog entry today...."

With respect to mindfulness, it strikes me that most people simply don't have sense triggers or memories which lead to a choice of mindfulness, whereas, say, concentration is a much more common response to life (for all sorts of reasons, I suppose). But also, it seems as though the kinds of things which trigger concentration are not fundamentally different from those which trigger mindfulness. In this sense, I'm more convinced that a person can purposely develop mindfulness, and I'm glad about that.

The odd realization, though, has to do with the roles which sensation and memory seem to play in life. It gives me the feeling of being continually knocked along by my mind in a way that has little to do with free will. It seems fine that I would be reacting to my senses, so I suppose it's more the issue of memory that feels curious, the feeling that old things in the mind are constantly bubbling up, apparently uncontrollably, sometimes very subtly, and pushing or casting me off in various directions.