Effort, Concentration, and Mindfulness

I've been thinking and talking about these things lately because of a meditation class I've been taking, and this has led to what seems to me like an odd realization. My friend Ben and I were talking about the differences between these three notions; how they are different and how they affect one another. In particular, Ben was struggling with this sense that mindfulness wasn't something he could "make happen," that it just seems to appear for no particular reason. This lead to me thinking about the real causes for effort and concentration, and it struck me that, in fact, they are no different: though we may decide to concentrate on something, the ultimate trigger for this decision seems to come out of nowhere, or more aptly maybe, from sensation and memory. For example, if I decide to concentrate enough to write this blog entry, it's only because, at some point in the past, I "decided" that I wanted to write this blog entry. And how did I even get the choice to make this decision? Presumably, at some point before that, I recalled that I _could_ write this blog entry. In this case, I got an email because of a comment someone left on this blog, I read the email (sensation) and thought (remembered), "Oh, I could write a blog entry today...."

With respect to mindfulness, it strikes me that most people simply don't have sense triggers or memories which lead to a choice of mindfulness, whereas, say, concentration is a much more common response to life (for all sorts of reasons, I suppose). But also, it seems as though the kinds of things which trigger concentration are not fundamentally different from those which trigger mindfulness. In this sense, I'm more convinced that a person can purposely develop mindfulness, and I'm glad about that.

The odd realization, though, has to do with the roles which sensation and memory seem to play in life. It gives me the feeling of being continually knocked along by my mind in a way that has little to do with free will. It seems fine that I would be reacting to my senses, so I suppose it's more the issue of memory that feels curious, the feeling that old things in the mind are constantly bubbling up, apparently uncontrollably, sometimes very subtly, and pushing or casting me off in various directions.